With the start of school approaching, (like tomorrow) I have felt like there's a blur of activity going on inside my head. I have, as I'm sure every other mother out there right now, been busy gathering everything needed to send my children out of my door come 8:20 tomorrow morning. There are the necessary school supplies, the lunch staples, the NEVER ENDING laundry, backpacks, haircuts, meet the teacher nights, the shoes, the clothes, the list could go on and on.
But mostly what has been occupying my mind lately are a mix of happy and sad thoughts all jumbled together. I am sad that the summer is over. Really, what happened to August? I don't know how it went so fast. Although over the last week or so, my kids have shown a great need to be back in school. They have fighting like crazy this week.
They are ready. Me? Not so much.
While I'm happy that the fighting will lessen considerably once school begins, I'm so sad at the thought of two of my three being gone all day. When I think of the fact that their teachers and friends will be with them more hours out of the day than I will, that makes me sad. I feel comforted that they each have wonderful teachers who are great examples. But I feel this intense need to use the little time that I will have with them to teach them and prepare them. My thoughts keep going back to this talk given last fall by Julie B. Beck. More than ever, right now I feel the need to stick to that counsel given.
I am entering a new phase in my journey of motherhood. With Jake starting preschool this year, I will now have 3 mornings a week without children. Again, sometimes this thought makes me so happy that I want to jump with excitement, and sometimes I want to weep with sadness. I don't really know how to feel. I am happy because I will have time to do things I would like to do, like running for instance. (yes, I said running!) I am sad because my baby is growing up so fast. It really hit me last night as he and I were laying on the floor writing letters together. He was trying so hard to get each one just right, and it dawned on me just how grown up this sweet little boy is. I'm not ready for him to grow up yet, but I just have to learn to deal with that.
So, as you can see from this mish mosh of randomness, my head is a mess of happy and sad. I'm sure in a few weeks, once we're all settled in to the new schedule, I'll have a grip on things. But until then, don't be surprised if you see me crying one minute and laughing hysterically the next.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
What's floating around in my head?
Posted by tharker at 9:17 AM
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We are on our third week and I still feel like this. ((hugs)) All the changes that happen. I can't believe that everyday for a few hours I am alone.. it is weird.
I think the start of a new school year is always bitter-sweet. It's great to have some quiet time during the day and see how excited the children are to head off to a new teacher and classroom, but on the other hand it means they are getting older and need us less and less. Although I am really happy school is starting (because I can't take I'm bored one more time) it's startling how fast the school year goes by.
You have managed to make me smile and tear up within seconds of each other. The thought of having all my kids in school is a happy one indeed, but sad at the same time.
Now is the time that they WANT to be with me. I just wish I could bottle up that desire because I'm sure it wont be like that forever. It's all part of life, right? They have to grow up, dont they? Just know that you are not alone with your thinking.
Tiffani,
You have more strength than you know, and I always in awe when you talk about your kids and all that you are doing for them. You are an amazing mother. And while you are sad to see time pass, there are other things to look forward to. Good luck with the impending school year, I am sure it will be great!
That would be, I AM always in awe... I need to proof read, sorry.
What to do with your time?
http://ce.byu.edu/is/site/marketing/what.cfm
I push, 'cause I care.
I was having some of those same thoughts yesterday as I posted about each of my kids as toddlers, but when I look at the pictures of my older ones, I don't miss those babies, because I love the little men they're growing into. It occurred to me the other day that they are really adult spirits inside those little bodies, and we just teach them all we can while they will still listen, then when they call because they don't know what to do with their kids, you'll get to teach them some more. :)
Well said. I can completely relate. 3/4 of mine will be gone all day! What the heck?! It is bittersweet. They are so excited to start school tomorrow. They are growing up so fast.
I am doing the same thing!!!
Deep breathes......that's what I tell my children! As for Jake...I am excited for him to learn and be with me and Ms. Julie a couple hours a week! Yeah! He will do great!
Thanks for the link Shells. And yes, I know you care. Love you!
Today while I was at the school meeting the new teachers I had to hold back the tears. Why tears? Mostly cuz when I saw Tyler's teacher from last year, my emotions were so high. She was so good to him and loves him so much. Teachers have the best job in the world. Especially those that love the kids. I too have mixed emotions, but I'm looking forward to spending some quality hours with my Porter Boy! Hope your first day is great. Good Luck to you and your kids!
Tiffani, I so remember those feelings. I think there are many, many times in life when you are both so sad you could cry while at the same time so happy you want to shout it from the rooftops. That's how life works, and would we really want it to be any different?
I really can't imagine what it will feel like when my baby is going to school. With the boys it is so easy to appreciate the lack of fighting time. But when it is just Princess and me it is so pleasent and I can't imagine being anything but heartbroken over the loss of that time. I'm sure I'll be epathizing with you in another two years. I hope you adjust well.
I understand. While I am completely thrilled that I have a child starting Kindergarten tomorrow...I am slightly panicked at the idea of my children growing up too fast. Elisabeth is already wearing 18 month clothes! Wasn't she just born? I am depressed at the idea of my kids growing up, but thrilled at the idea of seeing them learn and discover. Like you said, it's a mish mash of emotions. No one told me about this part of motherhood....too many mixed emotions!
Pretty much my exact thoughts, in your words. So beautiful, thank you.
Hey Tiffani,
I know exactly what you mean. I was expecting to have time with my baby alone three mornings a week and now it's just gonna be me. Some days I'm excited for that and some days I already feel lonely. It's hard enough having my girls gone (although they fight too) but it's even harder when it'll be different than what I was expecting. We should go to breakfast sometimes!
Andrea Hayes
PS Today I found out how much headstones cost. OUCH!!
Loved this post, love that I'm not alone, Love you!!!
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