Yesterday afternoon, I took Josh to the Optometrist for a little check-up. Many moons ago, before children came along, I used to work at this particular office. So I enjoy the opportunities I have to go in and visit with Jean {the office manager} and Dr. M.
After Josh was pronounced to have perfect vision, {Much to his displeasure. I think he really wanted glasses} I took the opportunity to visit for a few minutes with Jean. While the good doctor was happily perusing through the day's charts, he would occasionally add in his two cents about the conversation, but for the most part kept pretty quiet.
Then out of the blue he asked, "So Tiff, are you working now, or are you still just a housewife?"
Let me tell you, I hate this question! So I responded in the only way I know how,
"I am a wife and a mother, and I love it. So, no. I am not just a housewife, Dr. M."
He felt a little sheepish, and for a moment I felt bad for possibly embarrassing him. That is until he opened his mouth again.
"Oh, sorry. I always get in trouble for saying that!"
Well, then why does he say it?? Would he feel insulted if I told him that what he does is not important? Of course he would. Why is it that the world views what I do as insignificant? No, I don't bring in a paycheck. But I am doing what I feel is most important right now. Shouldn't that be enough to satisfy the world's questions? I wish it were.
I love my job. Sure, there are hard days, but it is my choice to be a mother and a wife who stays at home, and that choice is what is best for my family.
20 Thoughts:
Being a mother is the hardest job out there!! We don't get time off, we work 24/7, and have a lot of crap to deal with. I love it when I go off for a couple days and Clay is solely in charge. He loves me and so appreciates me when I come back. It's nice for him to actually be in my position and do what I do. It really makes him realize that I am not just hanging on the couch all day. (Although there are those days sometimes!)
Tiffani, you have just hit on one of my biggest pet peeves. You are so RIGHT. People really don't seem to realize how insulting that is.
It's even worse for me, since I don't have young children at home anymore. I will quite often explain about Shawn and that I stay home for him. Then I get SYMPATHY! I DO NOT need or WANT sympathy for doing what I love. Shawn is one of the biggest joys of my life.
You made such a good point. If I was to react to whatever job, the person asking might have, the way they react to me, I can just imagine how insulted they would be.
Even sadder is that I have received that reaction from CHURCH members even.
I totally agree with you. So frustrating when people don't value what a mom does. It is usually the people who don't do it that diminish it...because they have no idea what a mom really does!
AMEN!!!
Wow, yeah why DOES he keep saying it??
And I loved the talk from Elder Bednar. So inspiring.
You have to love those comments.
Rant: What I hate is when other women tell me how I lucky I am that I get to stay home. Well you know what? I could chose to go to work too and have a double income, but instead I make the choice to stay home. I'm grateful that we belong to a church that teaches us to make that decision. Obviously there are exceptions, but so many people think that we stay home because we're more "fortunate" when really we're making sacrifices so we can rear our children.
Did I say double income? Maybe I meant single income...hahaha (you'll get that joke after reading my last post)
"Just"ly said Momma.
OH, how I hate this view of things. It's okay to do what we do if we get paid to do it. This is the hardest and most rewarding job out there. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Housewives Rock!
I am glad you said it! I am not a mother yet, but I hope that when I get there I will be able to do the same. And by no means is what you do or any other mom/wife insignificant. There is no job more important!
This post totally struck a chord with me!! Seriously, I wish the world would stop judging us for staying home to raise good kids and the future leaders of this country. I LOVE my JOB!! And I am thankful for women who share my feelings and beliefs!!
I am afraid that I disagree. I have to admit that I have asked people similar questions before, but I was in no way implying that what they did at home was insignificant or easy or that they were lazy. Oh, no. I think many people who ask that aren't being jerks. If you take the emphasis off the word "just" it can have a totally different meaning. Sure it can mean "insignifant", but are most people meaning to insult and belittle what we do, or are they just curious if we work outside the home in addition to our duties as a wife and mother? "Are you working outside the home and inside the home, or just inside the home?" Take it with a grain of salt. But if they really are a jerk, tell them that they are a fat cow and that their momma was a snowblower. Just kidding.
I was prepared to post a comment like Monica's, until I saw hers. I think what Monica said was perfect. I often ask people similar questions, not meaning anything by it. Let's not be too quick to take offense (that applies to my comment as well), let's not be victims, and let's always give the benefit of the doubt to people's comments.
I find that the people who find it hardest to believe that I like staying home with my kids are people who have not had children yet. So I try and think, hey maybe they just don't get IT yet. However, I know that I am making a difference in my children's lives because I can see how much they benefit from my attention and care. They would not get that anywhere else. The worst question I get asked is do I get bored? I'm like, are you kidding? I would love to be bored for five seconds! And yeah, I wish I could contribute more financially sometimes, but we are making that sacrifice as a family because this is what is best for us and it pays off in so many other aspects of our lives.
The main reason that I put emphasis on the word Just in this post is because that is exactly the same emphasis that Dr. M put on the word.
I worked for him for almost 3 years before Hannah was born, and I know exactly why he feels this way about mothers who stay at home with their children.
I took offense to his question because I know where it was coming from. Next time I'll definitely take Monica's advice and tell him his mama was a snowblower! ;)
And of course I'm not offended by your comment Shells!
So I'm 21 and 11 days from being married and have not had kids, but whenever people ask what I am going to be when I grow up, it's always the same answer- a mother. And then it's always the same reaction- oh... you're gonna be a mom... Yup! And I can't wait. No amount of money offered to me could sway me from that decision either. I think Elder Ballard said it best, "After observing and empathizing with three generations of mothers and thinking of my own dear mother, I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood." For the whole talk, which is AMAZING, go here- http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=9694558fcc599110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1. Thank goodness for our dear brethren and their wise words.
People. Are. Stupid.
Post a Comment