Adventures in potty training

Yes, I have finally started to potty train Jake. Yes, he's 4 years old. My reason for waiting this long has to do with his disability. Becoming proficient in using the bathroom can be a huge challenge for a child with Spina Bifida. I wanted to wait until he was old enough to really tell me if he could feel things going on down there. It's tricky with him because he can feel the sensation when he needs to have a B.M., but not so much when he needs to pee. {I'm really sorry if the potty talk offends anyone} We tried a little bit when he was 3, but I don't think he understood all that was going on in that crazy area. So we have put him on the toilet whenever he expressed the urge throughout the last year, but now I've decided that it's time. He is ready. I am not. However, recently my sister in law and I were discussing diapers, and we figured out that I have been changing diapers for 8 years straight! Yep, 8 years people. Can you even imagine how much money we have spent on diapers?! So whether I'm emotionally ready, I am definitely physically ready!

Last night, I was researching toilet training children with S.B.(and by research, I mean Google...what would we ever do without it?) and I suddenly became so overwhelmed with the whole process, that I sort of had a mini breakdown. My husband wasn't home, so I did what anyone who's in freak out mode would do. I called a dear friend. I'm not sure that she could even understand what I was saying as I was incoherently sobbing on the phone, but after a few minutes, she was able to talk me down from the ledge of my insanity. It's not just the process that will need to be followed, but it's the big picture that completely overwhelms me.

The actual potty training isn't that hard. Basically, a strict schedule of timed potty visits need to be planned and followed. What I'm having such a hard time with is the thoughts that keep creeping up in my mind of the struggles that Jake will have with this his entire life. He can be trained to "go" at certain times of the day, but he will have accidents, even when he's older. The thought of him sitting in class, and having an accident is so sad to me. I know that little kids won't mean to hurt his feelings, but I know it will happen. I guess I'm just trying to steel myself for it, because it's not an "if" it happens, it will happen. I want him to be as independent as he can be in this area because it will affect his life in such an emotional and psychological way. I know I just need to take this thing one day at a time, but it's a hard concept for me sometimes. All I tend to look for when I think of Jake is the big picture. I'm trying not to let him down, but sometimes I don't think I'm doing that great at it. That is why I had my little meltdown last night. I know in my heart that I'm the best thing for Jake, and that I really am doing my best, but sometimes it's hard to convince my head of it too.

So today, I asked Jake if he would like to start using the potty and of course he agreed, BECAUSE HE'S FOUR! It is now 9:47am, and he has gone THREE TIMES already! Yay Jakey! This will be a huge work in progress, and it scares the crud out of me (no pun intended), but I can't wait for the day that he feels like he can do it!