Today was the day. Spencer and I attended Parent/Teacher conferences at our children's' school. I am always a bit nervous for the Fall conference. I'm slightly afraid that the teacher will tell us something shocking and unnerving about our child that they have noticed during the first few months of school. It's silly, yes.
Well, Hannah's conference went as we thought it would. She has had the same teacher for 1st and 2nd grade, and absolutely loves her. (Our school "loops". 1st & 2nd with the same teacher, then 3rd grade with a new teacher, and then the teacher that they have for 4th grade will also move up with them in 5th grade) Anyway, we are very well acquainted with her teacher. She is nothing short of fabulous! She loves the kids, and does such a great job of individualizing her curriculum for each child's specific needs. Hannah is off to another great start for school this year. She's at grade level for reading and math, and above grade level in her writing skills. Socially, she's a peach. School is just a breeze for her. It makes me so happy to know that she is doing well, and is making great progress in her adventure that is school.
We left the conference feeling pretty happy, and made our way down the hall to Josh's classroom. His teacher started off telling us how sweet Josh is, and how much she enjoys having him in her class. Then she got down to the nitty gritty. Basically, Josh is having a rough start to school. I knew this. I'm in his classroom one day a week, and I have seen his...how shall we say...lack of enthusiasm for certain aspects of school. Don't get me wrong, he likes going to school, he loves his teacher, he likes his friends. However, when it comes to getting down to work, well....he needs a little nudge....or a big one. He has no interest in reading or writing. Is it a boy thing? Much of the problem is also confidence. If he doesn't feel like he can do something, then for him, he's thinking "what's the point"? And that's the thing. He can do it, I've seen him do it. I know he is a smart little boy, but for some reason or another, he doesn't seem to feel the same way.
After his conference I felt like a crap parent. I know that each child learns differently. But I also know that I haven't spent the time working with him that I did with Hannah, and I have to wonder how much of an impact that has played so far. I know, I know....it's Kindergarten, and it's only November, but I feel horrible! So if any of you have any advice on motivating a child who shows not an ounce of interest, I would greatly appreciate it. I want Josh to feel successful, and I know that I am a huge factor in that. Spencer and I both agree that not only does he need more work at home with the school stuff, but he needs more quality time with each of us too. I love my little guy, and I want to help him.
Sorry for rambling a bit, but my heart is hurting for this sweet little boy right now, and I would love some great advice.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Meetin' with the teachers
Posted by tharker at 10:40 PM
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9 Thoughts:
Although it is a great idea to give Josh some more individual time, I totally wouldn't stress out about this (said by a mother who has no children in school). I was one of the few who couldn't read in my kindergarten class, and in fact, I was always in the slow reading group until the seventh grade. I eventually caught up and did just fine with the rest of my schooling.
Don't be so hard on yourself! He'll pick it up and figure it out. You are not a "crap parent"! Everyone learns differently. Maybe Josh would really take off with a little more individual time. My oldest struggled with writing for a long time. Letters were backwards and he just couldn't seem to shape them quite right. This year it "clicked" and his penmenship is looking so much better and writing isn't such a chore for him any more! Just give him time... and give yourself a pat on the back for raising a great family!!!
Tiffani, I'm not sure I have any great advice, but I do have a son who has to be nudged big time to get his work done. He has an awesome teacher who has finally figured out how to push Ethan into actually working on his work. He has never done horrible in school, but he just doesn't try very hard.
This year (3rd grade) is the year where I see him turning into a better student. I see him actually wanting to do well. It has taken time. And we did use some motivational techniques to help "inspire" him to try harder.
I am not against rewards for great grades. Maybe Josh would respond well to a reward as well.
DOn't worry so much. Boys generally take longer to develop an interest in school so his behavior is completely typical. It can be frustrating as a parent, especially for a child following an excelling sibling, but Josh will figure it out on his own. What scares me the most is parents who put so much pressure on their kids about school, especially in kindergarten, that the kids end up hating school forever. I had a very similar situation with a boy when I taught and it broke my heart. He will prbably respond the best to modeling, so show him that it's important to you and it will become, over time, important to him.
Enough rambling???
I'm sure it will just take time for Josh to warm up at school and his surroundings! It's hard to have motivation to work when there is so many other fun things to do!
I too have a difficulty with my son. He doesn't stay on task very well but does extremely well if he can stay focused. I think he gets bored but I'm not sure. His teacher last year told me that he should be on medication. That was in 1st but this year he is doing much better. I like his teacher better this year. His 1st grade teacher was a yeller. I was VERY upset when he started doing poorly. I felt it reflected on me. I had to let go of that because I was making it worse. His self-esteem was being affected. Anyway. I had lots of one on one talks with him where I let him tell me how he felt. We also prayed together about it. I would let him say the prayer and sometimes he heard me say the prayer. I would voice my concern for him and the desires of my heart so that he could hear my concerns and love for him. I would also praise him like crazy whenever he did do something great. When my kids bring home great work. I lead the family in a HIP HIP HOORAY for.... _________. The biggest thing I decided was that I should stop worrying about what kind of parent his teacher thought I was. I think our children definitely need more one on one time with us. I know in our family we are going to start going on dates with each of our children. Oh, my husband also takes the kids aside each month on a Sunday and does a PPI with him. They all know that they can ask for a blessing anytime. Hope some of these help. Oh, one more. I've made up stories before with fictional characters that were facing similar difficulties and came up with happy endings. I also told him the story of the grasshopper and the ants. My kids l LOVE it when I make up stories off the top of my head. Well, I've gone on and on. I really think its important to remember they just need us to remember what its like to be a kid. I get so stressed out with adulthood that I don't take time to get down to their level.
I think sometimes the teacher at school has to present a certain skill in a boring way, just because of lack of time and the ability to communicate the same principles to everyone in the class. But at home you can teach it any way that works for them, turning it into a game with prizes, watching videos, fun flashcards, whatever they like. Even as an adult, I'd rather learn something new if it is interesting to me. I love the "Little Leap Frog" DVD's. They have a word factory and a math factory DVD that Kendle really enjoys. Kendle hates doing her handwriting practice, so sometimes I pretend to write things the wrong way and have her "correct" my papers and write things how they should be. But, like everyone else has already said, don't be hard on yourself. Like his teacher said, he is a good child in class. The rest will come.
I really suffer from anxioty about how well Claire will do in school- I am mostly worried about her attention, and if anyone will be able to capture it. I think most parents worry, especially if they hear a child might be struggling a little.
I think you idea to focus more one on one time with Josh is a great idea. Not only for school, but because that middle kid misses out on that a little more than the others. You are doing a great job with Josh- he'll catch on soon that school can be fun.
Well, Nyah can read, but she doesn't comprehend anything she reads! I too think this is typical Kindergarten stuff. We do a lot of reading together & it seems to help her understand better. If she isn't completely motivated, we read a page and then she reads a page. It helps too for them to pick the book. Take them to the book store to pick out a first reader book. They love certain characters and WANT to read about them.
If all else fails, try pairing a non-proffered activity with lots of positive reinforcement. We do this a lot. Whether its a sucker or a sticker or whatever they want that you can produce often. OR try a rewards system. This will also build confidence!
You are an awesome parent simply because you care! & you actually want to do something about it makes you exceptional! Don't sweat the small stuff, theres a lot more to come!
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