Pondering

Every once in a while, I just sit and watch Jake. I watch him interact with his siblings. I watch him as he struggles to do things that come so easily for other children, yet he never gives up. He just finds a new way. I watch him accomplish things that NO ONE thought he would be able to do. And I think to myself, "Why?"

Why has he been so blessed? Why has it not been nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Of course there have been and still will be very hard times for Jacob, but I am prepared for that. Sometimes. But I wonder why it is that this child who was given very little hope of ever having a normal life has been able to surpass every expectation that was placed on him. I look at him in complete awe and wonder sometimes and I just have to ask why we have been so blessed.

As Jake was taking his bath last night, I just watched him. It wasn't that he was doing anything extraordinary. I think the thing that I was so awestruck by was how absolutely normal this child is. I was watching him splash around and make bubble houses for his G.I. Joe's to play in, and I almost started to cry. My heart was so overcome with gratitude for this happy boy. To know that his brain functions at a higher level than ever expected of him despite the damaging effects that Hydrocephalus can leave, makes me want to shout out loud. The doctors told us to expect that he will have a lower IQ. So far that has not proven to be the case with Jake. He is ridiculously smart. Sometimes too smart, but that is another story.

Jake is such a normal little boy. Even though it can make me crazy, I am so thankful that he acts like a normal kid. Throwing fits? Got it. Picky eater? Check. Loving beyond all belief? Done. I look at him and see him as a completely normal, healthy child. Maybe I am a little more blind to his disabilities because I am his mother. But I believe that is the way it should be.

I can remember when he was a very small baby, I worried so much about how not being able to walk would effect his life. But now, it just seems like the smallest, silliest thing. No, he cannot walk. But it does not matter. All that matters to me is that he is healthy and happy, and knows who he is.

I still look at him sometimes and wonder what I did to deserve such a remarkable child. Probably nothing. But I will always be grateful that I have the opportunity to be his mother. I've said it before, and I will believe it always. Jake is one of my greatest teachers. He teaches me a little bit everyday, even if he doesn't know it.